4 Lessons About Men
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4 Lessons About Men: Guidance For Women Of All Ages

beautiful-flowerWhether or not the relationship is meant to be, a love relationship is literally the finest “life-course” about who you are and what you are capable of doing/experiencing.

Rather than ruminate over what didn’t work out or what happened in a romance, take a step back and figure out what lessons you can take for the future.

Here are four lessons that I’ve learned in my romantic relationships. I’d love to hear your love-life lessons in the comments below.

Though this post speaks to women for matters of simplicity, these lessons likewise apply to men in a heterosexual relationship as well as same-sex couples.

4 Lessons About Men: Guidance For Women Of All Ages

1.  Figure out what you really need before getting involved.

It’s so important to choose a man or woman who shows up for you in the ways that are important to you. Rather than waiting around to figure out who shows up, take initiative and write down what you know you need. Examine relationships that did not work out, and identify what you realized you need moving forward.

Don’t pick a man because he is handsome, or you think his job is sexy. Sit down and make a list of the things you need in a partner. Do you need a:

  • man who is emotionally present?
  • woman who supports herself with her own income?
  • partner who shares your religious values?

What is important to you might not be important to someone else, so don’t feel pressured when other people make comments about your needs. Once you figure this out, don’t waste your time with the partners who can’t give you what you need. Focus your valuable energy on letting the right partner in.


2. Your trust in a partner should be earned.

When we fall in love, it’s so easy to paint a picture in our heads about who that person is, what his values are, and of course, what our future together will be like. When we do this, we do not allow a man to earn a place in our lives.

A man earns his place through his consideration, follow-through, and honesty. Likewise, a man will appreciate a place in your heart if he’s earned his right to be there.

Again, the same applies for women and same-sex couples.


3. Don’t judge a man by his clothes.


Some women love when men wear nice shoes, crisp jeans, or drives a BMW. But honestly, this is a terrible way to choose a partner. When evaluating your attraction to a man (or woman), you should judge his character, not his possessions.

Seriously, would you rather have a handsome man dressed in Ralph Lauren who is untruthful? Or a man who puts gas in your car and wears a baseball cap?

4 Lessons About Men

4 Lessons About Men

4.  Your man is your most intimate teacher.

Relationships are intensely personal. With our husbands or boyfriends, we able to express very private parts of ourselves, our insecurities, and our sexuality.

Use the opportunity to learn more about who you truly are.



Have you made a list? What are some qualities you know you simply can’t do without? Share with us in the comments!

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  • Reply
    January 8, 2016 at 2:19 pm

    I met this guy on Facebook we been talking 2mos but he want to have a relationship n build from there .he’ll always texting all day long n in the morning before he goes to work

  • Reply
    May 5, 2015 at 10:01 am

    I decided to take the pen to paper after reading this post to find clarity in the question “What do I need?” About halfway through, I realized that I’ve known someone who fits what I most want in a partner all along. He is a longtime friend, a gentle human being and a constant cheerleader. Its amazing what can happen when we question our innermost thoughts and desires. Amazing!

  • Reply
    May 6, 2014 at 5:18 am

    Im un this deciding stage he thinks Loyalty is all that is needed in this relationship and the catering to me don’t get me wrong Love it but the blatant disrepect he let others do is really wearing me down help

  • Reply
    Sonette Alexis
    April 19, 2014 at 4:33 pm

    I believe that things in life happens when they should but the outcomes depends on the path one takes. I have made to many miss-takes in my lifetime that it comes to a point where I need to take care of me. One major issue I ad was that I allowed men to choose me and not me doing the choosing. Another problem was that I compromised my interest and offered myself for other people to have their plans fulfilled by me. I will take your advice as of now and pen the values I what in a man. Things I would not compromise. It took me this 46 years to come to this stage in my life. Its better late than never. Looking forward to live the rest of my adult life in peace, happiness and joy.
    Thank you Kimberly Elise for taking the time to connect with us. Much love and respect to you.

  • Reply
    Daisy Rivenbark
    April 17, 2014 at 10:35 pm

    Thank you for reminding me. I have wonderful husband who communicates with me on daily basic and even in deep engaged conversation. I m and my husband still respect ourselves inside and outside.

    Thank you for your insight about relationship in different planes of level.

    • Reply
      Kimberly Elise
      April 18, 2014 at 7:14 am


      What a blessing! A partner who understands the importance of communication is a joy to be around! It means that he values not only your thoughts and ideas, but also his own. It’s always fun to re-discover the positive character traits of your partner, and we’re happy you were able to have that experience.

      -Team Kimberly

  • Reply
    April 17, 2014 at 3:57 pm

    Hi Kimberly,
    Iam a big fan of yours and i appreciate your site. I have a wonderful guy he always takes care of me . he’s younger than i am by 10 yrs. I get upset with him beecause he doesn’t take care of himself as he should. i try to gethim to go to doctors but he keeps putting it off. but he will pay for me to go. i think he loves me more than himself. how can i get him to go?

    • Reply
      Kimberly Elise
      April 18, 2014 at 7:45 am


      One of the most powerful tools to develop in a relationship is open, honest communication. From your description, it sounds like you may need to communicate how your man’s reluctance to go to the doctor is affecting you. A lot of times, we make the mistake of thinking our partner experiences our world with us, when in reality, he’s having an entirely different set of thoughts and perceptions. From his viewpoint, he may be self-sacrificing to make sure you get taken care of. He may also come from a family culture of healthcare avoidance. There are so many possibilities, but the only experience you can truly communicate is your own. Take the time to write down how his reluctance is affecting YOU, and communicate that to him. If you’re having trouble figuring out the words to explain why it’s bothering you so much, try writing out “I feel that…” and then write out whatever comes next. Having a written-out plan will help you stay on track during your conversation. Let us know how it goes – we’re looking forward to the update 🙂

      -Team Kimberly

  • Reply
    Marilyn Lambey
    April 17, 2014 at 2:04 pm

    I agree with you 110%. I find women have very high expectation in a man but very low esteem of themselves. I think before a woman get into any relationship with a man they should get into a relationship with themselves, first. Know yourself before you bring another person in your world. Thank you Kimberly for uplifting our spirits.

  • Reply
    Kimberly Hardee
    April 17, 2014 at 8:57 am

    Thanks for sharing Kim. This posting was very insightful.

  • Reply
    Dionne D.Brown
    April 17, 2014 at 8:46 am

    Happy Bithday My Aries Sister(Kimberly Elise)! You are truly an inspiration and a motivator to many! All the best now and forever!

  • Reply
    Gina P
    April 16, 2014 at 11:24 pm

    Well said, in addition a man who can express himself (referring to feelings), a man who will encourage you and bring balance/positivity in your life.

  • Reply
    April 16, 2014 at 10:05 pm

    An honest post that compels us to re-examine and differentiate between our needs and our wants.

  • Reply
    Semaj Debose
    April 16, 2014 at 10:46 pm

    What is your favorite sloane and Pete scene in season 2 of Hit the Floor?

  • Reply
    April 16, 2014 at 9:19 pm

    Wow! I really needed this.

    God Bless you!

  • Reply
    April 16, 2014 at 7:14 pm

    A men who is going to be there emotional and physivcal so, through hard and pain a man you will always feel safe to be around, and the most important a man who will always show you how deeply he loves you and always put a smile on ur face With love!

  • Reply
    April 16, 2014 at 7:09 pm

    Kimberly, I love this posting. It’s very true what you wrote about men. I’ve learned some things now what men concerns.
    You did a great job with this posting and you’re doing a great job with your website too.

    Lovely Greets

    • Reply
      Kimberly Elise
      April 16, 2014 at 8:40 pm


      Love, Kimberly

  • Reply
    keisha maloney
    April 16, 2014 at 6:59 pm

    Well said, everything you mention is so true. All women should come on this website, they will learn a few things well. Thank you so so much. I will be on this website a lot.

  • Reply
    April 16, 2014 at 6:19 pm

    I love this website will tell others

  • Reply
    Olivia Lane
    April 16, 2014 at 6:16 pm

    I love #4. I never thought of relationships that way.

  • Reply
    April 16, 2014 at 5:46 pm

    Yes I believe

  • Reply
    Nicole Anderson
    April 16, 2014 at 5:36 pm

    I agree 100% with all that was said… I am the type of woman that takes my time to get to know someone. You know talk about different things we each enjoy doing, children (because I have three) ,what type of music we both listen to and so forth. I base my decision to date someone on the things we have in common, personality, and the way he answers certain questions. Looks are important but not to be based on in search of a relationship.

  • Reply
    Natasha Denia
    April 16, 2014 at 5:18 pm

    Good advice. In my 40’s, I’ve learned to be careful with lists. In the past, I only got what I thought I wanted and needed. Now I pray for: The best man for me, my son, and my lifetime. The wisdom to recognize and accept him. The courage to be the best mate possible. Amen.
    I’ve also learned that a man may not always be your best friend; men are different communicators. Maintain connections with family and friends.

  • Reply
    April 16, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    Thank u very much for this post. I am in the deciding stages about whether my man is the Right Man and can truly be a husband. These few thoughts are helping in the process. Thanks!

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