It’s easy to think you know love. Until real life happens.
At the start of every year, I take note of my “love” lessons and try not to make the same mistakes in the future. Come and learn some of these lessons with me.
Love Lesson 1.
When two people rush into romance, they often fall into lust. If you go more slowly and get to know each other better, you can truly assess if you’re compatible.
I know that this is obvious, but it’s so easy to forget, especially if you’re ready for a partner. The love affair feels so good and exciting and you feel so connected! You tell each other that your bond is powerful enough to withstand your age differences or your value differences or the fact that you have different religious faiths.
While that could be the case for a few weeks or even a few years, in the long run, those “differences” may rupture what you thought was real. Not always, some people get lucky and find the right person straight away, but these days, it’s best to just take your time.
Step back a bit and give the relationship space to unfold.
And hey, perhaps you have found the real thing.
Love Lesson 2.
Though you might feel deep chemistry and attraction, you might not be compatible.
Compatibility is essential to developing a commitment that works, and it’s truly terrible if you become deeply involved with someone with whom you’re simply not suited for. Good compatibility means that you have similar communication styles, similar interests, similar lifestyle habits, and similar values.
In a healthy relationship, you shouldn’t have to fundamentally change who you are or what you need from your partner. You might make compromises, but they shouldn’t eat at your core. That’s why it’s so important to truly invest in objectively getting to know someone before you become deeply involved.
Love Lesson 3.
Don’t bother getting involved if you’re not looking for the same things.
If your romantic interest is looking for a casual romance and you are looking for something more intimate, RED LIGHT! Stop while you’re ahead. The time that you spend together is likely only going to make you want him or her more, while the other person just isn’t looking for the same sort of relationship.
Do yourself a favor and tell him or her, “I enjoy spending time with you, but I don’t think you and I are in the same place. We can be friends from a distance, but I’d like to move on and focus on me.”
Your future self – the one who didn’t waste her time – will thank you for it.
Love Lesson 4.
Suspend girlfriend and wifey/boyfriend and hubby privileges until it’s earned.
It’s simple: if you give up those special privileges too soon, your potential partner will have nothing to work for. I recommend sitting down and thinking about what those privileges are, because they creep up when you least expect it.
I’ll start: rearranging your schedule, planning and cooking dinner for two, giving back massages on demand, unprotected sexual engagement, TMI confessions about hating your ex, pet names.…
Save the intimacy for something that you can enjoy down the line once you have mutually put some time and investment into your relationship.
Love Lesson 5.
Create a loving lifestyle for yourself, and stick to it.
Don’t let a potential partner walk in and out of your life at will. Also, don’t let him or her get in the way of what you have going on for yourself.
Well, those were my 2014 love lessons. What are yours?
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