Love & Life Romance & Relationships Single-dom

The Folly Of The Chase & The Case For Falling In Love

So much of what is written about love these days is disorienting, especially for women and men who are seeking a healthy, lasting bond.

We are taught that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Women are instructed to behave like “dumb foxes” in order to gain the respect and interest of masculine men. Likewise, men are taught to not show too much of themselves, to ignore women, and to be jerks in order to make women clamor and pine for their attention.

This sort of advice draws upon people’s insecurities and their deep-seeded uncertainty of their innate worth.

If you play games, if you behave like you’re detached, passive, and unresponsive, you will attract a partner who consciously or unconsciously seeks games in a relationship.

It’s the folly of the chase, and in this game, you’ll be caught and eaten alive.

If you are inclined to play games by not being responsive, by stirring up jealousy to test your partner, and by creating drama, you’ll attract a partner who feeds off unhealthy, insecure romantic drama.

There are some people who enjoy that kind of romance… Me, I have too many more important things to worry about.




I write this because over the past few months, I’ve spoken to a few young women who followed advice written in books like Why Men Marry B*tches or The Manual in order to cajole potential partners to fall head over heals in love with them. beautiful-grassTactics in these books included pretending that their schedules were too busy for a date, shutting down when they’re upset, and revealing just enough cleavage or leg to gain attention. It might sound silly, spelled out, but I think we often resort to these tactics in real life when we are feeling insecure, lonely, or desperate for love.

Rather than sign yourself up for the folly of the chase, I encourage both women and men to open themselves up to truly falling in love.

Healthy love isn’t built on manipulation or games. Timing, chemistry, and connection don’t follow any script outlined in a how-to book.

The relationship is entirely organic, triggered by a remarkable attraction, and maintained by the mutual fulfillment of shared needs.

In such instances, he is not from Mars, and she is not from Venus; you are both from planet Earth, experiencing real life together.

To find long-lasting love, focus on identifying your romantic needs.
Set reasonable expectations.
Don’t excuse behavior that doesn’t meet your emotional requirements.

You’ll find that when you’ve truly found someone with whom you share a connection, there are no games.
There are no long-winded schemes. In a healthy, lasting bond, both partners show up for each other as equals, ready to explore the possibility of love together.




Much of this knowledge draws upon the book The Case For Falling In Love by Mari Ruti. I highly recommend it if you are looking for mature, conscious romance in your life.

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photo source: alayah lee

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9 Comments

  • Reply
    Callie
    April 23, 2015 at 10:37 pm

    Wow! This is a true statement. If your love was meant to be he’ll come back.

  • Reply
    Jules
    February 23, 2015 at 10:19 am

    She touch on a lot of good points love is not playing games with the others emotions

  • Reply
    Angela DeBerry
    February 18, 2015 at 5:45 pm

    This article is so real, authentic, organic in so many ways. Learning to just be ourselves and just ” BE”. This is the only way to be found, secure and loved by another. Good stuff Kimberly!

  • Reply
    Lowry
    February 18, 2015 at 8:55 am

    Wow! This article just rubbed the bitter (sweet) truth in my face.I have always been that type of girl who looks for love in unhealthy places.Definately time to re-evaluate myself.Thank you Ajableu.Simply amazing!

  • Reply
    Joshua
    February 18, 2015 at 6:26 am

    What can make one not to fall in love?

  • Reply
    Doretha Anderson
    February 18, 2015 at 3:19 am

    I want to get out of the bad habit of playing hard to get.

  • Reply
    FREDNIE RENE
    February 17, 2015 at 7:35 pm

    I would love to re-evaluate my ideas for romance so that I can explore this new journey that I want to embark on.

  • Reply
    dajouna hayes
    February 17, 2015 at 3:15 pm

    I could use the help

  • Reply
    Regina Head
    February 17, 2015 at 11:36 am

    Subscribing to your mailing list.

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