Family, Work & Life

How To Handle An Ex When You Have Children

In response to the Ultimate Break Up Guide, a few readers asked me questions about how to handle a break-up when children are involved.

I wanted to respond to this, because it’s so important…

From my perspective, it’s vital to put your kids before all else. The love the parents have for their children should outweigh any negative feelings the parents have toward each other.

Thus, rule number one:

Never ever speak negatively about your ex to or in the presence of your children.

4 Signs You Should End Your Relationship

No matter what happened between the adults, it’s not the child’s fault, and each parent deserves the other’s respect in the child’s eyes.

Continue to work as a team to raise your kids, even if at a distance.  In spite of the breakup, your child needs you both.

Develop a routine or schedule that allows for both parents to consistently be a part of the child’s life.

If it’s too painful or stirs up too many dark feelings when you’re in contact with your ex, enlist a calm and mature friend to help with the communication between the parents, handling phone calls and interactions in your place.

Do not choose a friend who is mad at your ex and just wants to stir things up more. Utilize this mediator-friend until you feel you are ready to work with your ex.

Is it meant to be if he broke up with me? Read and reflect here.children-brother-sister-two-latino

Also, Many women and men may ask if they should stay with a partner for the children’s sake, despite not being happy with their relationship.

The answer to this question is far too personal for me to give a yes or no answer, since every relationship is completely different.

However, from my perspective, you only need to ask yourself one question:

Is this the kind of marriage that I want to demonstrate for my children? 

As parents, we model relationships, family dynamics, and adulthood for our children. Therefore, in the instances where adults are able to privately and maturely work on their relationship, it could absolutely benefit your son or daughter.

Check out these 5 Signs Your Love Is Meant To Be.

But if the marriage is filled with frequent and uninhibited episodes of anger, abuse, or unhealthy sadness, you could be setting an unhealthy model for your child.

Are you struggling with moving forward from your ex-boyfriend or ex-spouse?

Check out the rest of my Ultimate Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Over Your Breakup guide.



Isn’t this little girl precious? The image is provided courtesy of

Get in touch with Kimberly by joining her mailing list to receive more recommendations on health, beauty, and wellness.

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  • Reply
    Xola Mtwa
    July 11, 2014 at 4:41 am

    I have broken up with my girl friend for over 3 years now and we dated over 8 years and have an 8 year old daughter that we both raised.But after our break up,she decided to keep my daughter away fro me and also changed her numbers and even threaten to call Police if I try to re-unite with my daughter..I don’t know what she says to her and also am not sure how to handle this situation any more as I have given up and just told heart that I will see my daughter when she has grown enough to make her own decisions about her Life,and then will tell her my side of the story…

    • Reply
      July 23, 2014 at 12:49 pm

      That is an unfortunate situation. I would advise you to hire an attorney ASAP. Don’t wait until your daughter is an adult. She is your daughter and she is worth fighting for. Dad’s have rights too!

  • Reply
    Shonda Thomas
    July 5, 2014 at 12:12 pm

    Thank you so much for the advice

  • Reply
    Melissa Hernandez
    July 5, 2014 at 10:23 am

    I can totally empathize with this from both sides. My husband & I each had a daughter with our exes & eventually ended up having 3 girls together. In the biggining, our relationship was rough because of how we got together & to this day, certain people still judge & blame only me for it. On my end, I tried with everything I had to keep a good relationship with my daughters dad, but wouldn’t get met half way with him. He constantly bad mouthed me all the time in front of her inspite of me trying to keep him in her life & eventually, he was no longer around & my husband, boyfriend then, ended up raising her. My stepdaughters mom also constantly bad mouthed me as well along with her family & my husbands family in front of her. We no longer speak to her or my husbands family because they choose his ex & their daughter over the rest of us instead of trying to meet somewhere in the middle. It was very difficult for me to let my stepdaughter go because she was my baby too that I helped raise since she was 3 even though a lot of people will never let me claim that & now that she is also a mom, she won’t let my husband see his grandson if I’m present. My husband said that it’s a learned behavior that was passed onto her from her mom & it literally breaks my heart because our girls miss her so much & our youngest one doesn’t even know who she is, only by pictures because we show her & told her who she is. Our girls also watch their nephews videos on Instagram/vine because my husband & I were blocked from looking at his profile on Instagram & our grandsons dad also blocked us on Facebook so we couldn’t see any of his pictures or videos of him. I still have a hard time with this reality & my husband tells me all the time that it’s time for me to let her go. I’ll always love her & our grandson Nathan even though I’ve never met him & my husband also tells me that no one can or will ever take that away from us & that it’s okay to continue loving them from a distance. This July 19th will be 17 years that we’ve been together, married for 11 of them. I guess some people, sadly, will always carry that bitterness with them…

  • Reply
    July 5, 2014 at 10:08 am

    This information was very helpful!! I’ve finalized my divorcee and my ex and I have three daughters. He wanted to stay together for their sake but I didn’t feel the need to because we were arguing every night. There began to be no peace and home to where I couldn’t rest. Therefore the beat thing was to separate and divorce. This is great information. I love thi site. Keep up the great work Kimberly!!

  • Reply
    London Rey
    July 4, 2014 at 1:55 pm

    This is beautiful!!!! Thank you for posting. I will add your fb page on the site if thats ok with you all. It truly is all about the child(ren)!

  • Reply
    July 4, 2014 at 10:00 am

    This was very great advice alot of readers need to see this , theres alot of situations such as this where parents cant let go of one another and cause drama

  • Reply
    July 4, 2014 at 9:51 am

    I appreciate your insight on raising children as an ex-spouse. My question is, how is a mother to handle dealing with the father who recently moved out of state with another woman who he just met 6 months prior and the 10 year daughter is told she would be able to visit “them”? Communications are solely between father and 10 year old daughter because the divorced parents cannot effectively communicate?

    My take on this matter is that he is utterly disrespectful, introducing our child to a woman he just met and now lives with along her 12 year old daughter. I believe it would be different if our daughter was in her teens, but to completely ignore my right to know, as her custodial parent, what his plans are for them is down right mean to say the least.

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