What do you do when you’re in a relationship and you love each other, but something just isn’t right?
Maybe you feel like you give more than you receive or that you struggle when trying to compromise. Whether it’s just the situation or your personalities, sometimes it might seem like things will never change. Our friend Flora Finch shares her epiphany of the moment she realized she needed more than an unbalanced relationship.
Lessons In Love
By Flora Finch
I left the cinema invigorated, inspired, optimistic, and less confused and stressed. I hadn’t planned to see this film; in fact, it was a suggestion by a friend, who later couldn’t join me. What a turn of fate.
The script was so good that it not only entertained – yes, the performances were wonderful – but the story really helped me resolve my own situation.
I’m in love with someone who doesn’t treat me with the same respect that I treat him…
There you have it! What do I do then…? Let go? …and if so, let go of what?
The friendship, the romance, or nothing?
Do I simply just stand there and wait for a sign?
After several attempts of deep, contemplative analysis enabled by a plethora of great songs, lyrics, and films, I came to realize that I had not been clear about my needs.
Neither had I fully acknowledged that my friend treats himself badly, too, and at times, much worse than he treats me…
Before these revelations, on paper, our personalities seemed compatible, but later,
I realized that, in order to be with him, I would have to give much more than I could ever expect to receive.
He’s an academic and I’m sometimes described as a wise and highly intelligent professional, but I will always need much more than mainly being compatible ‘physically’ to co-exist peacefully with anyone. At present, we respect so little about each other’s communication, that it has not been possible for us to be close friends.
I have to accept, however, that he was decent enough to let me communicate my needs clearly. I also appreciate the many lessons I learned, when we were much closer. For that reason, I am open to the fact that one day, fate might intervene and decide that it’s for the greater good that we meet again and improve our friendship – platonically, for business, or otherwise.
Sometimes, it’s good to take a break away from people.
I am also aware that it really does not matter whether I see him again or not, as my happiness does not depend on it.
Instead of sitting around and waiting, I can find ways to practice self-love.
Love has always fascinated me, so much, that I have often wondered why it was never on the curriculum when I was at school.
I say this because I believe that without love, that comprehensive development and management of self, alongside positive relations, whether they be friends, family, the community and environment, are compromised.
Here are some signs that your relationship is meant to be.
- enables healing
- requires that we learn good communication and empathy skills
- inspires and supports creativity, such as writing, music, poetry, drama, stories, films or comedy.
- is great for our health (mind, body, and spirit) and well-being, if done right.
Love is not:
Love is less likely to happen when/if:
- we are dishonest, disrespectful, controlling, demanding, seek revenge, and lack humility.
- we are unable to take feedback, forgive, and/or apologize when we’re wrong.
- we mainly or only feel physical attraction to a friend
- there is no compatibility
- we discriminate
- we terrify and inject fear toward others via unreasonable and scary behavior
- seek revenge and punish others
- do not sensitively clarify our boundaries
- we lack clarity or enough confidence to speak up, put our cards on the table, and share our concerns and gratitude.
- we are not active and prepared to develop and manage ourselves effectively
Copyright 2016 © by Flora Debra Finch
All Rights Reserved
Flora Finch a.k.a. ‘Auntie Flo’ is a 4-time award-winning professional who, as a qualified Consultant Coach and Stress Management Practitioner, specializes in supporting students and clients via music, lyrics, songs, and entertainment.