Love & Life Single-dom

What You Must Do Before Falling In Love…

before-falling-in-loveSo you’ve met a new guy and you’re falling in love.

He’s totally into you. He’s handsome, funny, smart, etc. Things are going well. And of course, you’re starting to fall hard… “Maybe this is the one,” you start to ask yourself. Here is what you must do before allowing yourself to fall in love. This article absolutely applies to men too!

One important dating lesson I’ve learned after falling in love is to let a man earn the affection that I feel for him.


Photo Source: Kooples

Now, I am not I saying that you can’t feel excited and passionate, just make sure that he is consistently earning it.

-Is he returning your calls every single time?

-Is he making time for you on the weekends?

-Is he sharing important details about his personal life with you?

-Does he flirt with other women in your presence?

Be very honest with yourself, and don’t deceive yourself in these initial stages!

Sometimes we just want to be in love, and it’s just easier to flow with the emotions rather than using our heads.

But if you don’t pay attention to signs, and if you don’t let him earn the affection that you are starting to feel, the signs that you miss are going to bite you in the butt.

Why make a man earn your affections? Because it gives you an opportunity to really see if he sincerely likes you, and wants to put in the work to be with you.

Passionate kisses, sexy banter, pricey dinners with red wine — that’s not work. That’s play! For a man, putting in the hard work means being consistent, speaking with honesty, becoming loyal, rooting for you, and including you in his life. 

 Once your new guy has earned your heart by being present and doing these things, then you can fall straight into his arms.

You’ll know he’ll catch you.

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  1. Shaun says:

    This is true…….. unfortunately I had to learn the hard way……being hurt multiple times, having my heart broken, or falling too hard too soon…..thanks Kim….

  2. Antoine Merriweather says:

    I believe that goes on both sides. For most women don’t deserve to be with a good man because they just don’t know how to treat him.

  3. Amelia Jenkins says:

    Thanks for the tip because we really don’t stop and take the time to consider the things you just pointed out. If I had maybe,I could have saved myself some heartache when I thought I found the man of my dreams and married him. Keep the tip coming Elise.

  4. Ingrid says:

    This is so true. Too many of us rush into graining a man’s heart w\o first letting him win yours by actually deserving it. Tread lightly and see where it takes you otherwise you’ll be sadly disappointed if you give your all and what’s returned to you is less than expected.

  5. Aviole Brigarde says:

    These are very helpful hints, thank you so much Kimberly for this. ….and I love you , you are such a a beautiful human kind and an amazing actress.
    God bless you my dear.

  6. Vik says:

    A couple of other things I would look at are, how does he treat his mother or other women in his life. How does he handle stress and pressure? Does he lash out, get drunk or high, retreat? Warning, warning, warning! How long has he been on his job, can he hold it down, or does he fly from job to job. Does he respect or reject authority? If he has kids, what is his relationship know ship like with them? Does he pay child support, but more importantly, is he a Daddy, spending time? Just a few things I look at in addition to the things mentioned.

      1. Yshawne Pique says:

        Hi mrs elise I have been hurt alot I am hearing and imperial person my name yshawne I am single mother of three children my daughter is grown I have two sons to raises I have been in a serious abuse relationship all the names calling I couldn’t understand why mens mistreated me .my children father’s passed away 12 year ago and then I started dating again it end with the abuse I almost lost my life I decided to not date for awhile .it took me 6 years let a man come inmy life. So I gave myself away to god to send me someone who can love me for who I am .not what I am

      2. shannequia Matthew says:

        I really love this, this is a good way to love and how to go by it the right way and very helpful for us young women whos fallen in love or who have thought they had fallen in love

  7. Rebecca says:

    I really agree. That’s real talk for real life. We women need to wake up and stop throwing our hearts to every man that comes along so quickly. Been there, done that but no more !!!!

  8. shawn says:

    Well i say to. Get a test for all disease. Make sure he not married. And the big test no sex before married. If can do Gods law. He may all right

  9. Debbie says:

    Wow..A true lesson learned in this article. There is so many mistakes we as women make entering relationships or allowing men to vacate in our space without hard work. I’m grateful Kimberly you post this because it’s surely bless me. Thanks a bunch.

  10. Rayne says:

    My boyfriend and I are dating close to two years now and I watch him like a hawk trying to observe his every move. I test him on so many levels and he doesn’t even know. Kimberly thanks for the encouragement keep on inspiring others… btw a love you very much!!

  11. Tresalyn says:

    Well said, KimberlyElise!!! As I was navigating from FB to here I was trying to guess what that first thing would be and I said “Love Yo’Self!!” And honestly, your advice expounds on this principle. I appreciate ur saying lovingly what many of us need to hear whether we are in relationship or not. The concept of never being lonely if we love whose company we are in when we’re alone is appropriate here.

  12. Karen says:

    I feel it is important to believe men. When a person shows how they really are, believe them- not what you want to believe, but what really is. Also before entering into a relationship with another person, make sure you have a solid relationship with yourself.

  13. MANDISA SOCOZA says:


  14. Reece says:

    I agree with this so much I just wish I would have seen this about two yrs ago lol but I’ve learned a good lesson and will not make the same mistakes again thank you for this out was much needed:)))

    1. Reece says:

      I agree with this so much I just wish I would have seen this about two yrs ago lol but I’ve learned a good lesson and will not make the same mistakes again thank you for this it was much needed:)))

  15. Trudy says:

    Great advice. I’ve been widowed and it’s so scary being single again. While I would love to find love again, I’m very cautious. Thank you for reminding me that although I may be lonely, I still deserve the best. 🙂

  16. Pamela Jones says:

    What if you just recently lost your job and met a really nice guy, should you wait until you are working and then date or continue to date and tell the guy your situation?

  17. beeplum says:

    Awesome!!! Nice write up and so very true as we all know the beginning is usually d most distracting so it’ll be good to pause and let the head/brain lead the heart. Love u kimberly…keep it up!!!

  18. taiaisha says:

    I have a guy ive been dating almost two weeks now he has taken me and my kids out having fun time he seems to b a good buy but he is coming on strong about having sex i do like him but for some reason i dnt feel passion with him he is more then a friend but i dnt want to have sex with him what do i do please help

    1. Nicky says:

      you should never feel pressured…make him wait until you feel comfortable…your body is a temple and he should respect that!

  19. Kimberly I love this article! What insight into dating and how to approach new love and new relationship. Thanks for posting it and I look forward to your next post about love and relationship. Take care God bless!

  20. jamila says:

    My biggest concern is if a man is willing to get on his knees to pray and give reverence to God/ Creator/ the universal entity much greater than himself or ego. If so than God will reveal who I am and he would want to love me as God loves him and he loves himself…..
    I have realized as a woman over the years I did not love myself so I simply authorized permission for others to treat me the same. I believe we should all take some accountability in how relationships may fall to the waist side. No beat up session just acknowledgment and the willingness to be ” good” to one another, just because we are human beings and it is the right thing to do….

  21. Butterfly says:

    I knew this 6yrs ago, but the heart want`s what heart want`s. As the relationship played out through the yrs i began to see all the warning sign`s you talked about, so i made a choice to rescue my self and leave, as hard as it was on my emotions, strengh took over. Best smart choice i ever made for a life time, and that im happy for. Thx Kimberly, have a blessed life.

    1. Gloria Muketha says:

      dear leave his sorry ass if he wont crawl back begging for you to forgive him for making you so pissed off and worried then he doesn’t love you.Let him go and be patient don’t be in a rush to act wait and see how things play out…..Besides we know men like doing the chasing and the pleading is part of the thrill so don’t ruin the thrill for him..that is if he is into you.
      PRETTY PLEASE use your common sense don’t let a few lines throw you off your game. For example how and when did he get your number after he lost his phone and if he had it written or memorized why didn’t he call you immediately to tell you that he lost his phone…like i said use your deductive skills and be sure to understand why he did what he did…..

  22. Katrina Mason says:

    I enjoyed this post. I really love that you, Ms Kimberly, speak back. Feedback gives back.

    I’m a young lover. 20. And as a young woman, men scare me at how much they try to impress me. As soon as we’re a couple then there’s no more. What’s real? Should I date guys a little older?

    1. Doc says:

      Speak to older experience woman who are wise and use their experience. Your emotions are as fluid as water in the ocean, use wisdom as your anchor. Age does not define character though with age characters should be more define. A person who is telling you all you want to hear usually want something you have. Once they get it, they make like David Copperfield.
      Fall in love with the character of an individual not their empty promises or sweet words that moves. Love is patient so its takes time.
      Sweet words are like icing on a cake, it makes it look good and taste sweet but if the cake does not taste good then icing will not help. Ask yourself if you would rather have the icing or the cake? your answer will determine what you should look for.

    2. Vivienne says:

      Katrina just hold off on becoming the “couple” I believe men tell us who they are and we fail to listen we make excuses….etc but the one thing we need to do is state up front I expect you to continue all this “if” we become a couple, if this is just your representative with all the show let me know when the real you show up so I can make an informed decision.

  23. annoymous says:

    OK, these is so True the same thing is happening to me now and I need some advice or even a call n a hug from Kimberly. First I must say your an amazing actress. OK am a Nigerian and I met these handsome, considerate and sweet man a Month ago, we got talking wrong have been on just one date and sometimes we talk al through the night and yesterday i sent him some messages and he didn’t reply today I did the same thing and calledand after 5mins he sends a text that his phone got stolen yesterdAy and we would talk at night. I was so worried sick that it got me angry and I sent a harsh message I really like this man, I don’t want to loose him and I want things to work out. What should I do? Do you think I did the right thing or I over reacted.

    1. Faith says:

      to be honest with you, I think you over reacted. Things happen, and we need to learn to let time pass a little while before we react.

  24. Dezell says:

    So wonderful. Also follow your gut. Does he seen selfish with you. Does he require all of your attention over you giving attention to your loved ones.

  25. Linda says:

    For a man, putting in the hard work means being consistent, speaking with honesty, becoming loyal, rooting for you, and including you in his life. My husband is doing all of those things, but yet I believe he is cheating with a women that knows for a fact he is married. People just can’t be trusted anymore. Women don’t care about the man being married. He isn’t innocent by a long shot, but women make cheating to easy for these married men.

    1. Doc says:

      If he is being honest, loyal, and rooting for you then he is not cheating, its in your emotions. If he is cheating then he is not being honest, consistent, loyal, or rooting for you. He is thinking about his desires. In a relationship both individuals have to work daily fill the void within the other. Which means your priority is foremost your mate, not yourself or other things, people, etc.

    2. Carlyle says:

      …The OTHER WOMEN DONT CARE about the MAN bein MARRIED becz APPARENTLY the MAN DOES’NT CARE that HE is MARRIED (to be STEPPIN OUT in the first place on his spouse)!!… I mean COME ON NOW ladies!, let’s put (the) BLAME WHERE blame is DUE! #IJS ,-)

    3. Deborah Seymour says:

      If you believe that he’s cheating, then speaking with honesty, becoming loyal, and including you in his life are not qualities that he possesses. One cannot cheat and be honest and loyal at the same time.

    4. Vivienne says:

      We do have a tendency to blame the 3rd party don’t get me wrong she is in the wrong, but she didn’t make a vow to you he did. Don’t go easy on him make him work, speak calmly about your suspicions, suggest that you a couple see a counselor. Marriage is hard and finding someone to commit to should warrant some work. We as woman invest totally and if he is willing to do the work to reaffirm his commitment then you both win. Please consult The Father he will not give you something he has not equipped you to handle.

      Side note Not all men cheat – I haven’t find him yet…lol but hopeful.

  26. nidia says:

    So true but for me have one problem oncr a man lies to me at first anything else it’s a lies I can’t trust my husband n I love him do much please help…

  27. Beverley says:

    Just now found out anout your site, love it .. Keep up the good work Kimberly.. So many women needs the advice, the love.. Peace

  28. Brenda says:

    Thank you Kimberly Elise. I love your acting and your advice. I’ve been with my man off and on for 39 years. He has changed in those years because I forced him to show me his love for me. Granted he married someone else and for 10 years I had no contact with him because of it. We reconnected again after his wife passed away from breast cancer. This time I made him earn my affection because it was still there after being. 10 years apart. He shows me everyday how much he loves me. But our income levels are not the same. But we work thru it and soon we ‘ll be on a more level playing field. We just have to work at it and respect each other enough. I truly do believe he is my soulmate and the man God chose for me. Thank you for your words of wisdom.

      1. Sha Sha says:

        Kimberly, thanks for covering the basics.. I realize that we all have things on our list that take priority; however, I understand that you’re setting the stage. I appreciate you taking time from your schedule to mentor! Period…. Some women didn’t learn this at home, speaking of self. My mother/father didn’t teach me how to choose. Experience taught me…. Keep feeding us… We can use!

  29. Great advice. You’re information really helped me a lot. I’m a young writer trying to become an author. I like writing love stories. But like I said, very great advice Ms. Elise and I enjoy the movies you act in, I hope Tyler Perry makes more movies and include you in them.

  30. Anna says:

    Hi Kimberly,
    I saw your post on instagram and immediately followed and came here, to read. I really need good advice like this. Sometimes i feel like i know these things but other times, i am confused. It can be difficult to know what moves to make in love &relationships. I have clearly been making a lot of mistakes. It results in me feeling like there is something wrong or unlovable about me. No one has ever taught me these little lessons so thanks, from the bottom of my heart! 🙂

  31. Rebecca says:

    wow! this was perfect, although i believe you left out the part where this man has to have some sort of spiritual discipline, in my case he must put God first because if i am going to date this man with the purpose of getting married to him, we must be equally yoked.

  32. lisa says:

    hi Elise, just a quick question………. does the perfect man have to be tall, dark and handsome? you sound a bit shallow, i know a lot of great men who in despite there physical looks are great men.

    1. Sha Sha says:

      Really, Lisa! You’re going there! Shallow, it’s a figure of speech, nothing absolute. If you like chubby and stubby, the same rules apply. Geech!

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