We live in an age where the rules are blurred.
Women are increasingly becoming the household breadwinners, couples are choosing to have children before getting married, and young people move in together after a few months of knowing one another.
Still, the question remains: When is it okay to have sex?
It’s a tough question, since the decision to have sex shifts the dynamics of a romantic relationship.
A sense of personal security and independence is lost in exchange for a passionate bonding experience with another person – a person with whom you may possibly fall in love with (or become your baby’s daddy!).
Because every individual has different religious values, romantic histories, and thoughts about intimacy, it’s nearly impossible to develop hard and fast rules for having sex at the start of a new relationship.
More on KimberlyElise.com: 5 Tips For Having A Positive, Healthy Relationship.
Every relationship is different. Therefore, what works for your girlfriends might not work for you. We have a few guidelines:
1. Don’t have sex the first night.
While there are plenty of couples who had very successful relationships after going to bed on the first night, it’s probably best to avoid sex the same night that you met.
Why? Because if you go to bed with a new guy after only a few hours, he has achieved his goal! There is nothing else for him to work for. Let the tension in the relationship build and let him plan ways to woo you. And most importantly, get to know each other beyond a sexual context.
2. Decide if you really trust him.
Before being intimate with a new flame, it’s important to decide if this person is truly someone who can handle your heart. Be honest.
Sometimes we want to believe that we are safe, and deep down we know that just isn’t true.
Besides, if you are intimate with a man you trust, the sex will be a lot better.
3. Decide if you have nonphysical, psychological chemistry.
Psychologist Dr. Barbara Angelis notes that when dating, “you should spend at least twice as much time talking and learning about one another” as you would being physically intimate.
Otherwise, you’ll succumb to what she calls “lust blindness,” or the feeling of being swept away by physical chemistry and not taking note of the warning signs.
Does he listen and engage when you talk about your personal life and your feelings? Is he open to talking about his personal life? Do you laugh together? If so, then you and your potential partner are able to connect emotionally and mentally, and the intimacy will be more enjoyable!
Here are 5 signs that your love is meant to be.
4. Make sure you are on the same page.
It’s hard to decipher what a man’s intentions are, often because he might know what he wants from the relationship! So, the first step is to understand your own motives.
Do you want a long-term partner? Or are you longing for a thrilling new experience? Once you are honest with yourself, act in accordance with your values and desires.
Don’t pretend to want something that you don’t. This way, you’ll attract the right partner for where you are in life.
5. Have a chat about sexual health.
Before becoming physically intimate, it’s important to ask your partner about his thoughts on protection, medical testing, and birth control.
By being clear about your partner’s history, you are genuinely loving yourself and respecting him.
We enjoyed putting together this guide for Kimberly’s fearless, confident readers!
Next, find how the bold ladies handle relationships on Kimberly’s hit show Vh1’s Hit The Floor!