Love & Life Romance & Relationships Single-dom

When Is It OK to Have Sex With A New Partner?

We live in an age where the rules are blurred.

Women are increasingly becoming the household breadwinners, couples are choosing to have children before getting married, and young people move in together after a few months of knowing one another.

Still, the question remains: When is it okay to have sex?

It’s a tough question, since the decision to have sex shifts the dynamics of a romantic relationship.

Life Coach Kevin A. Johnson also offers his own answer here.

A sense of personal security and independence is lost in exchange for a passionate bonding experience with another person – a person with whom you may possibly fall in love with (or become your baby’s daddy!).

Because every individual has different religious values, romantic histories, and thoughts about intimacy, it’s nearly impossible to develop hard and fast rules for having sex at the start of a new relationship.

More on 5 Tips For Having A Positive, Healthy Relationship.

Every relationship is different. Therefore, what works for your girlfriends might not work for you. We have a few guidelines:

have sex

1. Don’t have sex the first night.

While there are plenty of couples who had very successful relationships after going to bed on the first night, it’s probably best to avoid sex the same night that you met.

Why? Because if you go to bed with a new guy after only a few hours, he has achieved his goal! There is nothing else for him to work for. Let the tension in the relationship build and let him plan ways to woo you. And most importantly, get to know each other beyond a sexual context.

have sex

2. Decide if you really trust him.

Before being intimate with a new flame, it’s important to decide if this person is truly someone who can handle your heart. Be honest.

Sometimes we want to believe that we are safe, and deep down we know that just isn’t true.

Besides, if you are intimate with a man you trust, the sex will be a lot better.

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3. Decide if you have nonphysical, psychological chemistry.

Psychologist Dr. Barbara Angelis notes that when dating, “you should spend at least twice as much time talking and learning about one another” as you would being physically intimate.

Otherwise, you’ll succumb to what she calls “lust blindness,” or the feeling of being swept away by physical chemistry and not taking note of the warning signs.

Does he listen and engage when you talk about your personal life and your feelings? Is he open to talking about his personal life? Do you laugh together? If so, then you and your potential partner are able to connect emotionally and mentally, and the intimacy will be more enjoyable!

Here are 5 signs that your love is meant to be.

have sex4. Make sure you are on the same page.

It’s hard to decipher what a man’s intentions are, often because he might know what he wants from the relationship! So, the first step is to understand your own motives.

Do you want a long-term partner? Or are you longing for a thrilling new experience? Once you are honest with yourself, act in accordance with your values and desires.

Don’t pretend to want something that you don’t. This way, you’ll attract the right partner for where you are in life.

5. Have a chat about sexual health.

Before becoming physically intimate, it’s important to ask your partner about his thoughts on protection, medical testing, and birth control.

By being clear about your partner’s history, you are genuinely loving yourself and respecting him.

We enjoyed putting together this guide for Kimberly’s fearless, confident readers!have sex

Next, find how the bold ladies handle relationships on Kimberly’s hit show Vh1’s Hit The Floor!


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  • Reply
    July 4, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    Just be sure you can handle consequences of ur actions. I learned sfter a year and a half of dating we were on totally different pages. I was already invested emotionally and based on our communication thought it was reciprocal. Wrong!!!

  • Reply
    June 10, 2014 at 9:10 am

    I love this article. It was just a confirmation.

  • Reply
    May 24, 2014 at 12:07 am

    This is music to my ears. .been longing to read about something like this. ..thank u so much.

  • Reply
    Carnell Brame
    May 23, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    The question is “when is it okey to have sex”? My answer is, on your wedding night.

  • Reply
    May 23, 2014 at 10:38 am

    normally the sex should be that special which is after you find a compatible social interaction

  • Reply
    May 23, 2014 at 7:25 am

    All this gathered data is informative and GOOD READING MATERIAL, but, most women KNOW when the time is right!!!! Others make huge mistakes whether it’s the first or fiftieth date. From experience, I think a woman AND man should let their bodies do the talking. Keep in mind also, that MEN makes mistakes also. Needless to say, I have gone on dates with the sole intention to have sex. So, not only should your body talk to you, but, so should your mind. There is no way of knowing when, where, and whom you have sex/make love to, just never regret any thing about it, but, learn something from it!!

    • Reply
      July 23, 2014 at 8:49 am

      Of course we cannot let our bodies do the talking. Honestly that is not wisdom, because we may have lust (sexual desires) for someone we don’t even know personally. We have to choose to be more responsible or we would definitely have regrets.

  • Reply
    brenda e holt
    May 23, 2014 at 12:46 am

    I think this is a good thing but be careful

  • Reply
    Loreia GHGlass
    May 22, 2014 at 6:24 pm

    We must take our time because time heals all and shows all things. i.e. There are some of us who mask their feelings very well and the Real person emerges slowly. Whoa,..there may be a sheep or a wolf .oooo AGAPE…

  • Reply
    May 22, 2014 at 4:29 pm

    WOW Kimberly, I love your blog more and more. This was another interesting posting. Very interesting facts about this intimate theme.

  • Reply
    Cheryl Taylor
    May 22, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    Kimberly, thank you so much for leaving this helpful tips on “When Is It OK to Have Sex. I am in a new relationship of three months and it’s interracial. I am black mixed with Irish, Indian, Mexican and Black. And he is Italian, Mexican. The brothers that I met weren’t coming through for me. I was even on a dating site for awhile. I knew the person I am dating from college. But really wasn’t interested at the time. I had to get adjusted to all the adoration that he gives me because I wasn’t used to this. I’m glad that he is a perfect gentleman and didn’t want to have sex right away. We still haven’t at this point. I trust him because he is so caring for his family. Meaning his parents, kids and grandchild. And he spoils us all with gifts. I tried to see him through different eyes this time. Because he is handicapped and in a wheelchair. I am disabled myself but I still walk around with a cane. We are spending time getting to know each other. And I do want a long term relationship with marriage. He is the one that has been confident that he wants me. We have had a talk about sexual health. So your advice is just confirmation that I am on the right page. Thanks so much. And I just love this font that I’m typing in. God Bless You Always.

    C Taylor

    • Reply
      June 12, 2014 at 10:02 pm

      Hi Cheryl,

      Don’t let your fears about dating a man of another ethnicity get in the way of finding a life partner. He sounds like a gentleman! We wish you the best of luck!

  • Reply
    May 22, 2014 at 12:47 pm

    Im glad u showcase this very important points about sex.we are living in an age where our young people are not taking time to be responsible brfore dating or even having sex. They are so young and needs more time to develope into adulthood. Please I think your inputs are good and they need lots more

  • Reply
    May 22, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    After you both have said I do.

    • Reply
      July 23, 2014 at 8:38 am

      I’m 30 and waiting that is my goal so help me God

  • Reply
    May 22, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    Very good at vice. Or excellent instructions

  • Reply
    May 22, 2014 at 10:41 am

    I so enjoyed the insight today. I am newly divorced from a relationship and marriage of almost three decades. I know what I desire for myself and also a partner but wasn’t going about things the correct way. I miss the physical of a relationship but I am afraid to give any of myself. I get lonely a lot and I take it day by day. Some more rough than others. I truly believe God will reveal him and I am learning to not regret my past but live more each day.

    • Reply
      June 12, 2014 at 10:06 pm

      Hi Teresa,
      Take what you learned from your previous relationship in order to grow, but don’t regress. You can start by sharing the non-physical parts of yourself first. Sooner or later the right man will come along.

  • Reply
    May 22, 2014 at 10:19 am

    Very interesting points, thank! Be Blessed!O:-)

  • Reply
    May 22, 2014 at 9:23 am

    Nice !

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